Revelation on Worship

Yesterday afternoon I downloaded all the videos from Jason Upton's website. I had had them all before, but so tht I could have more space on my computer for recording 48's, I deleted them all. I think that there are some new ones there for thoes of you who are into Mr Upton. And anyway, I spent the night at my frined, Ben's, place last night, and getting up before him, I decided to watch some. So I put one on, from the West Haven CT '02 set. Jas (as i affectionately like to call him) was talking/singing about being free to be who God created you to be, especially in worship, and as I was listening, thinking and processing all that he was saying, I realised what worship REALLY is. Worship is whatever is going on in you heart at any given time. So now as I am here at the computer typing this, my heart is towards God, interceeding for and desiring that everyone I know have a continual experience of worship. But I know that more often than not, my heart is not focused on God, but on things of this world, things that draw away my attention and my gaze. And I realised that whatever my heart is focusing on, that is what I am worshipping. A song is just a tool that is used to refocus my gaze on Jesus. Prayer is just a tool to "quiet down my busy life and find a hiding place", and medetation is just a tool to get me pondering the things of God's heart. The list could go on, and I know there is more to each of these things than just simply being a tool to reattract my hearts focus on God, but that is the window through which I am seeing them at the moment. We are here to worship God. And He has made a way for us to do that through everything that surrounds us.
God, I pray that you would train me to hold my gaze on you, not being swayed of lead astray by the becconnings and callings of this world. Jesus, teach me to fix my gaze on the Father, and Holy Spirit, I ask that you would empower me and strengthen me to make this hope a reality.

stupid computer's

So anyway, today I got around to taking a bunch of photos of stuff around my house to post for you guys. More specifically, pics of my little bro and everything "Jabby". But cause computers are so stupid (and yes, it is the computers fault!), I have no idea how to put them up on the web. I know how to put pics on my posts here at blogger, but I want to put 10 or so up, and they are large pics. So if I put them up here, it would take forever for you to see them (arent I kind and thoughtful), especially those of you who still only have dial-up. So if anyone knows how to do all that web-page design stuff (Jake...) and feels like giveing me a big ol' reach-accross-the whole-frikin-world hand, "well yeah, that'd be grreeaaattt..."
Heres a few pics just to get your taste-buds all warmed up. And girls, yes, he is single...
The lovely "Poser" Shot


Every room should be blessed, and what better way to have a blessed room than by recieving a blessing from the "holy father" himself? He he he.

Ok so I think that this is all the photos that I can post up now, cause it's not letting me put anymore on this post.

dependance

Ive been thinking about so much lately (and been really lazy about blogging it). There has been so much emphasis and value placed on my generation to be independant, to have it all together and be able to do it on our own, when we really have no idea about anything, and cant really do anything on our own. I think that dependance is the total opposite of how God created us to be. we are supposed to be totally dependant on Him, and at the same time we are also supposed to be dependant on the rest of the body. If I am just an ear, or just an eye, or just a whatever, how am I supposed to function without the rest of the body. I cant. I wont!
I spent a considerable amount of time tonight talking to a good friend of mine who has recently seperated from her husband. They are in the process of discovering how much contact they can have with eachother, working through all the hurt and pain and emotions that go along with a seperation, while trying to sort everything out. What does this mean for them individually? What does that mean for them as a couple? Will it work out? Wont it work out? So many questions...But if at all possible, they do both want it to work out that they get back together. They saw eachother today, and from her point of view it was a successful day. She came away from today with an understanding that neither her or her husband needs to be perfect and have all their individual problems sorted out before they can get back together. Life is a journey that is not supposed to be taken alone. We live together. We grow together. We share together and we love together. My joys are supposed to be your joys. Your pains are supposed to be my pains. We celebrate and we cry together. The early church started out with "sharing all things together", and I believe that we need to get back to that. I believe that dependance is more than just a choice. I believe that it is a necessity. I believe that dependance is a lifestyle, going hand in hand with prayer and fasting. And I believe that to establish Gods kingdom here on earth and to see His glory manifest in all the world through the church, just as it is promised all through the bible, we need to be dependant. Loving God with all my heart, mind and soul, and loving and prefering others to myself is in itself a declaration of my need. When I am alone I am too weak to love God with all my heart, mind and soul. Ive tried, and I just cant. I fail and I fall away every time. But when my brothers and my sisters are with me, supporting me and holding me up, encouraging me and spurring me on to bigger and better and higher and deeper, I am able to love. (Im not talking about having times of seperation or "alone time" with just me and God, cause that is a necessity too, and I love that. But rather when I am alone and without community, when I try to do it by myself.) And I cannot love and prefer others to myself without God enabling and strenghtening me to do so either. I can try for a while, and then my selfish motive pops up to the surface and bites me in the ass, leaving me worse off than before.
I am dependant on God to love me and to love others through me. And I am just as dependant on the rest of the body to keep me accountable to loving God, to walking according to the high calling that we have in Jesus, and encouraging and urging me forward towards the One that is our prize. I wonder if it was dependance that God was talking about when He said, "It is not good for man to be alone".

Love? Anyone?

Why can’t I abide in Jesus love? For the most part I can stay in joy. I can stay in peace. Patience, well, sometimes I struggle there. I find kindness a fairly easy thing. Ill let you decide on goodness. I think that I fail more times than I overcome with goodness, but can I justify that with human nature? With faithfulness, I am very faithful to the things that I want to be faithful to, while they last! I don’t think that I’m too good at sticking to them though. After a while, I get bored and what something new. I think that I am fairly gentle, except when it comes to people who test my patience. And it’s not like I become a raging monster or anything, but more that I just go back into myself and if anything, it’s more timidity that gentleness. I hate timidity. It is so contrary to who I know that God made me to be! And with self-control, it’s kind of the same as faithfulness. I am self-controlled with the things that I really want to be self-controlled with, but not so good with the other things.
Jesus said that unless we have love, everything else is counted as nothing, right? So where does that leave me? I love the things that are convenient for me, when they suit me. But I have no ability to sustain any love for anything, well, anything at all really. Those things that I “love”, the things that are convenient and easy, well they lose their glitter all too soon, and again and again I am left empty, yet still I keep going back to them as if they are suddenly going to change and satisfy me, even just a little bit. And with the things that actually matter, the things that I try to love cause I know that they are important, like family and friends and health, well I just can’t sustain love for that. I don’t have enough, and the little that I do have is spent so fast, on things that don’t matter lie whatever is convenient for me and looks good at the time. And “try as I may to chase another Lover, I find there is no other!” But “try as I may”, I can’t seem to even sustain love for Jesus, the One I know to be the only true Lover! And on and on it goes, and I’m really getting tired of going around in circles, over and over again!
I know that God breaks in with sustenance and life when I’m broken, because I’ve experienced it before. And I know that He is not limited by my ability, or lack thereof, because nothing is going to stop His will being done or His Kingdom coming. I just wish that I could FULLY enter into God’s will and into His Kingdom, rather than just taking a step in, and then getting out.
Come Lord Jesus, Come!